The art of doing nothing!

Contrary to what I presumed, doing nothing did not come easily to me.   I realized this during my job break about 5 years back, when I wanted a career shift.  It was a planned break, with no clear future career plans in place. While I told myself that I will just quit and let things take over, I walked out with a free lancing consultation assignment with that employer! And within one month of quitting, I had signed up for another small but definite commitment to another organization, fortunately in the line I wanted to pursue.  When I was chatting up with a friend during this period, her husband asked me ‘So, what are you doing now that you quit your job?’’  I started rattling off about what all options I have considered, and where I have initiated discussions, etc.  He gave me an odd look and said ‘’Why are you doing all this so soon?  Did you consider doing nothing for some time?’’. Oh, How I wish I had the wisdom to practise it!

While I have no regrets now and all the dots connected well, I would have practised more of ‘doing nothing’ during that period if I had a second chance!  With more maturity and some practised relaxation during 5 continuous years of Yoga, I think I now understand what ‘Doing nothing’ means and more importantly why it is required in every adult’s life.  Come to think of it, we need to introduce this concept to kids also, in this fast paced and highly demanding society.

‘’Doing Nothing’’ is in some sense a state of passive meditation.  You let things ebb over and sort themselves out.  You are in no hurry to accomplish anything but your mind is actively going over options, visiting past, remembering long forgotten dreams and visions, etc. I now believe that just this awareness can open doors that were invisible before.

It is also interesting to note that this state of doing nothing need not really be idle; but it is what Yoga calls as Alert State.  You are observing, open for experiences and importantly, ready to accept and make sense of what is happening to us, around us and inside us. What is happening need not always be action but a stray thought that keeps repeating itself, which was otherwise drowned in the milieu of our day to day life.  A thought that would push us to do something never considered before, to give more purpose to our life or just a simple joyful moment.

Whatever be the reward, the whole experience of ‘Doing nothing’ is bound to be an interesting self experiment, a rite of passage to a ‘wiser and contented Me’!  Though I have now learnt to take short ‘Do nothing’ breaks, I know I will someday plan for my long ‘Doing Nothing’ phase, to prepare for another exciting phase of life. Here is a toast to that!

My epiphanies

I tried to stay away from the jargon epiphany but it does capture what I want to say in this piece and I guess there is a reason Google search on epiphany throws more of mid life related hits! Epiphany comes from the Greek "epiphaneia", meaning "appearance" or "manifestation", and referred to the revelations brought to us by the gods (well, I googled this :>).  In today’s context, it can mean anything from Aha I get it now moments to a self revelation from an entirely new perspective.

Sharing one’s epiphanies is not exactly a literary exercise but an exclusive preview that can open a new portal for somebody else – I am hoping you will now thank me for having shared my epiphanies!

My epiphanies are N.O.T profound – and that is my first epiphany.  It has come from simple day to day forgettable affairs and irritations.  And a bunch of them happening repeatedly can give that 'OMG, if not Aha' moment. It comes from instances of the help not turning up on the day you said you had important chores (because her child was going to be sent out of school if she did not attend at least one PTM), or the home delivery guy who did not turn up after being given directions that would have shamed google maps (he was stuck in the rain in his two wheeler without his rain jacket that he was denied as a contract job worker in his company).

Indira Nooyi nailed it by saying that a woman’s career path and personal path are completely mismatched in mid life.  My epiphany is on a more mundane level – it is that mid life dietary preferences versus kids taste-bud preferences are poles apart, resulting in a permanent meal time displeasure on  the part of at least one of the occupants at the dining table. I am yet to come up with a dish that meets the dietary requirement of the husband and me and the evolving taste buds of the kids, without me going crazy in the kitchen. 

A difficult to accept epiphany for me is the slow but sure reversal of roles between your parents and yourself, as one gets into mid life. It completely changes the dynamics of that relationship. 

And here comes the most practical epiphany I have had – the family is likely to buy the most unwanted / least required item as a gift for your next Birthday, if you continue to make those loose talks about what all your friends get gifted by the husband and family.

And this is the tricky part.  Having or being aware of your epiphanies does not guarantee that you tackle the challenges of life suavely.  I have had my epiphany that ‘’cleaning the room’’ is an abstract concept for kids equivalent to “a worm hole bends space time dimension “ –  It’s like I can google this but what do “I” have to do in cleaning the room?. 

But do I stop telling the kids to ‘make up your bed and clean the room’ in the morning? Well, I try and my best record has been 3 days!