When I was in school / college,
it was common to ask friends to write in an autograph book along with their
addresses (pre face book / mail era!) before the graduation. If I am not wrong, many of us still do
preserve these books and like flipping through them particularly during trying
times in our lives. And have you noticed that when you are down, you reach out
to people who generally think high of you and can lift you up by their words
about you.
There is this primordial need in
all of us to be recognized and complimented. Though I do worry at times if we
are overdoing this with our kids, do we truly and openly compliment our
friends, relatives, helps, colleagues, acquaintances and even parents as much
as they deserve? There is some shyness
that creeps in. The compliment if it comes is usually restrained. Sometimes,
there is the fear of the person taking advantage (with helps, colleagues). But complimenting opens a two way road. You start complimenting and the person will
want to carry the good will that you have started and will want to compliment
somebody else if not you. At some point,
it will come back to you also.
And complimenting is an art! In my autograph book, I particularly like to
keep going back to one entry where a friend had methodically listed what I was
good at and complimenting me for all those. In fact, she was not even in my
course nor was she a close friend. We used
to meet in a co-curricular class. Her
writing never fails to lift me up and tell me all the things I am capable or
was capable of! Many other entries in
that autograph book were also saying good things about me, but this one was
unique because of a few reasons. Her
words were not shallow like ‘You are great’. She specifically wrote what I did
and why she thought it was compliment worthy.
I think that is where a
compliment is different from a passing remark.
You mean it when you say it and it is not shallow. You also substantiate it with facts and say
why you think it deserves praise. And
you took the effort to notice the good deed and take time to say this to the
person. All this makes it so memorable
and so up lifting.
So, let’s try complimenting in
all sincerity. See the glow it brings to
the person’s face and the peace it brings to you and the world!
