Books that I savoured in 2016

Books that are lingering in my mind at the end of the year are:

Agatha Christie - An autobiography : It takes enormous talent to write 500+ pages about one's life while retaining the reader's interest, and not coming across as dull or pompous.

The road to little dribbling by Bill Bryson: Given my love for his writing and the Great Britain, this book was a treasure, picking off from Notes to Small Island written about 20 years ago. Humour and travel writing - he sets the bar for me.

Waking up: Searching for spirituality without religion by Sam Harris: Admittedly, lot of (neuro)science but the author sticks to logical facts which appeals in today's propaganda driven society

Discovered Manjushree Thapa through ‘’All of us in our own lives” and loved it, probably a bit prejudiced as I could identify very well with the characters, me coming from the development sector too. Anjum Hassan’s Cosmopolitan was entertaining. 

Rick Riordan continues to rule at home with my 10 year throwing funny names and words (a shift from throwing spells though!), she being a bit let down by ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed child’. 

My fascination for Haruki Murakami and Georgette Heyer continued during the year.  Thanks to my joining a book club, I am hoping to get introduced to and read new authors in the year to come. Importantly, hope to get more writing done, and work towards getting some of it published too!

Friendship in the time of demonetization

The last few weeks since 8^th November have thrown some interesting situations and challenges. On the one hand, it has forced people to come up with ingenious solutions to manage cash flows.  Whatever time that has left one with, is then spent in social media or social circles debating the issue.  This has thrown up sticky situations, especially among friends and relatives if you hold a point of view different from the majority in that group.  A larger dilemma is when one finds oneself in conflict with a close friend / group of friends.  Well it is not that only demonetization can cause such conflict, but it has been a strong poke, following the Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton debate in the US.

The dilemma is this: To be amenable to the point of surrendering the argument even if you feel otherwise or to be honest to yourself and the friendship and accept that you are probably never going to resolve this? This is assuming that one respects the friendship enough to not throw it away at the first sign of conflict.

John Gottman of the famous thin-slicing technique (that predicts if a couple will divorce with some 94% accuracy) states that a marriage can thrive even with unresolved issues, as long as it is not a deal breaker.  You only need to look at some of our older generation couples with arranged marriages to catch some amusing arrangements to manage their conflicts.  My parents manage their differing spiritual stands very practically, with my father dropping my mother till the temple doorstep, and collecting her back.

If a marriage can handle that, will a friendship also survive this? History has some interesting examples of friendships that thrived between people who had stark ideological differences.  The caring friendship between Saint Mother Theresa, the ardent Christian and the atheist Chief Minister Jyothi Basu was one of them. 

So, is it possible to sustain a friendship with differences of opinion? It requires courage and conviction and it will do well to remember the saying ‘’ Love is saying “I feel differently” instead of “you’re wrong.” It also requires some discipline to do and not do some things if you want to sustain the friendship. Top most among them is to separate the issue from the person and never attack the person.  And the best way of honouring a friendship is to listen and listen attentively, even if you have heard that angle hundreds of times and you have a strong response for that.   Sticking to facts and not getting carried away by hype certainly helps (which means you end up junking half the stuff that turns up in What’s app, or at least those that cannot be validated).  Finally, believe, convey and convince that your friendship is built on values that transcend these issues (that is, if this is the case; if not, you have a choice to make!).

I have my hopes high in retaining friendships in these times, egged on by own experience of happily pursuing a career in a field which would not be my family’s choice, but they respect and support that I feel differently!  

Soloing in Bangkok

(Trip done in October 2016)

Admittedly solo trips by men and women are not uncommon these days.  Just google it – you will get to read everything from spiritual epiphanies on such trips to practical tips, from locations to avoid to convincing / managing your family.  Still when one first attempts a solo trip, it is a momentous decision!  I did my first recently and sharing some experiences on soloing and on the destination – Bangkok.

On Solo travel

First, am bursting a few myths: people with families do not do solos – On the contrary, I think people with families are the ones who really need and will appreciate a solo trip the most!  Imagine the luxury of a room (and bathroom) to yourself, not having to count your belongings (mainly living ones) every few hours, not losing your mind ordering a menu in a foreign country that does not raise eyebrows (not your family’s but restaurant staff’s). I can sense you drooling – this is bliss, isn’t it!  Another myth is that you cannot enjoy a solo travel and you need company.  This depends on the type of person you are and the experiences that you choose.  I was clear I was NOT going to enjoy a trek or beach by myself and stuck to a city, but I assume different people would have different expectations. Whatever it is, do some introspection before attempting a solo.  And if you are under the myth ‘my family cannot cope without me’ (particularly women solo travellers), sorry to disappoint but life (including the kitchen and the laundry) gets on without us!  Finally, ‘travel on work’ with some sight- seeing thrown in is quite different from consciously doing a solo trip only for leisure – just having the courage to admit it to your self is a wonderful thing.   

So once you have made up your mind to do a solo trip, keep these top tips in mind (applies for both sexes):

• Do thorough research on the places on Internet and books (Lonely Planet does a great job for lonely traveller) and do not just go by somebody’s experience. While indices like ‘Safest city’ will help you, consider other factors like your budget, duration, language, expectations, etc to decide. 
• Once you narrow down on a place, make an itinerary with plan A and plan B; share this itinerary with your family.  It is the least you can do to ensure they are stress free when you are having your fun.
• Ensure you are connected with your family; Either take an international roaming in your current mobile number ;  or take the pre paid SIM cards offered in many countries with attractive plans.  Do your research before hand and get this card preferably at the airport on landing (typically it is expensive or not available easily outside).
• Find out and save a few important numbers on Speed dial on your phone including local police helpline, your country Embassy no (if travelling outside of the country), hotel number and any local contact. It may not help you to call your family thousands of miles away when you are in emergency.
• Keep a print out of your important travel documents, itinerary and phone numbers (this is plan B if you lose your phone).  
• Choose your stay location carefully, considering safety, your privacy, commuting ease, food options, while balancing all this with the budget.
• Even if you cannot or won’t read maps, download Google maps on your mobile.  It not only helps you to move around, more importantly you can use it as a safety measure to check the route while in a taxi or a local transport (say auto).
• Do pre-booking wherever possible to avoid last minute disappointments.  Deliberately put some free time in your itinerary to explore the local place; however a little research here goes a long way.  Suggested walks / itineraries published online and books are a good guide.
• Now comes the best advice on solo travel that I read somewhere in the internet – leave your fears back home but not your common sense. Always be alert and take precautions. 

Now that you are all set for solo travel, here is my suggestion on the place for a short first trip (considering I live in Bangalore):  Top contenders for me were cities in South Asia including Bangkok, Singapore, Hongkong, Tokyo, Taipei, Seoul, with some of these rated as safest cities in the world.  I ruled out most of them as I had either been there before or anticipated language issue (and I did not want to tag a guide throughout my trip). I should add that I was not sure about doing solo to any place in India, as I felt I was not ready for the curious questions (could be my wrong perception entirely!). I ended up choosing Bangkok, considering the number of days I had and my preference to soak in local culture while being at ease as a solo woman traveller in a new country.  It helped that there is visa on arrival for Indian passport holders. And I was not disappointed with the choice of the place! 

A 3 day itinerary for a solo woman traveller in Bangkok

Bangkok is chaotic and beautiful (I suspect you will relate to this as an Indian).  And hot and humid most of the year; so it helps to choose your time of vacation based on weather. Flights go cheap with low cost airlines, if booked early. Visa is available on arrival (though for only 15 days) for Indian passport holders (check http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/visa-on-arrival.php for details, Cost 2000 THB as of October 2016).  I chose to stay at a place on the riverside overlooking the majestic Chao Phraya river.  It was a mesmerising sight and I would highly recommend riverside facing hotels for the view and the ferry rides (instead of the clogged roads).

View of the Chao Phraya river

Here is the 3 day itinerary that I would recommend to soak in Bangkok and a bit of Thailand:  The itinerary is planned with a small break in the afternoon to beat the heat and to rest the feet.

Day 1: Explore the Grand palace, Wat Pho, Wat Arun and end the day with a soothing foot massage and a shopping / eating trip.

The Grand Palace and the temples (Wat means temple) are on the riverside and the best way to reach them is through the Chao Phraya Express Boat Service.  The boats have guides who announce the tourist attractions on the route and have very friendly staff advising travellers. There is good connectivity through BTS, MRT and buses to piers on the river from where you can take the boat.

The palace and temples are grandiose and mesmerising with their golden coloured pagodas and exquisite paintings and carvings. I regretted that I could not get an English tourist guide during my visit, and would strongly advise renting one. Entire Ramayana is depicted on the walls of the Palace with hundreds of bright wall paintings with an amazing 3D effect.  You can easily spend a few hours gazing at the paintings. Temple of Emerald Buddha is a sacred place here with a heavy spiritual atmosphere to it.

Painting at The Grand Palace showing Hanuman at Lanka

The ticket to the Palace covers entry to Wat Pho also and so you should plan to visit both on the same day.  You need to walk about 700 metres to reach Wat Pho from the palace.  Though the Reclining Buddha is the highlight here which morphs the entire structure, the entire place is beautiful and serene.  The Buddhist chants at these temples are so soothing and stir a sort of primordial feeling. 

As guide books warn you, eat-outs in this area around the palace and temples are a few and far between, so do a bit of home work or be prepared to manage at whatever place you find. There is a cafe inside but expensive and has mostly drinks. Free water counters are kept inside the palace and the corridors provide a nice shade to rest. Do not be rushed and take it in slowly, to enjoy and to avoid getting tired due to the humidity.

Wat Arun or Temple of Dawn is on the other side of the river and requires one to take a short ferry.  Ideal time to visit this is evening during sunset and apparently the climb up is beautiful – unfortunately the staircases were getting renovated during my visit and I could not climb.  But again the whole area is so serene and one can just linger, or lose track of time listening to the Buddhist chants.  The area around the Wat Arun looks so ancient with small canals separating the rows of houses and is lovely to explore on foot.

Area around Wat Arun

Once you have covered the Palace and temples, treat yourself to some massage and retail therapy. At Bangkok, foot reflexology / foot spa and Thai massages are must do activities and the best place is inside Wat Pho; there is a massage parlour adjoining the medical school inside and the massages here are cheaper and supposedly authentic. However there was a long waiting and I had to miss them. I had read good reviews about a parlour close to my hotel and got a good deal there instead.

I was recommended Asiatique night market for shopping and eating, the market is well connected and runs a free shuttle boat service.  It is a good experience with some nice shopping, eat-outs,   shows and movies.  The place is famous for Muay Thai fight shows, Joe Louis puppet show, a large ferris wheel and Calypso cabaret; the latter is not really a sleazy show but a song / dance performance with glamorously dressed transvestites in a glitzy auditorium and children can watch too; it is like the circus of olden days, minus animals.  

Day 2: A trip to a floating market with eating and shopping followed by an evening of massage / Siam Niramit show / Cooking class

Plan your trip to Bangkok to be there during the week end as that is when the floating market can be visited.  There are at least 5 such markets around Bangkok, with the Damnoen Saduak and Amphawa being the popular ones. I visited Damnoen Saduak and since October is shoulder season in Bangkok, it was not as crowded as I was told it would be in peak tourist season.  Still it was crowded enough to cause a traffic jam in the canal!

The floating market at Damnoen Saduak

While in the market, you can rent a small boat and go around shopping for food and handicrafts.  Food is usually made in the boats and you can buy them as you cruise.  Local dishes are very popular here and it is a delight to watch them being cooked on the boats. Both sides of the canal are lined with shops which sell local handicrafts.  The rule here is to bargain heavily; the locals seem to expect it and enjoy it.  Play along and you may get a good deal like I did for about 35% of the quoted price. But watch out for quality and cheating.

I did this trip to the floating market through a travel service as it is some 95 kms away from Bangkok.  The trip involved a bus ride, a visit to a rural Thai home, watching palm sugar being made and a short boat ride in the canal to reach the market.  The boat ride was beautiful with lush greenery and ancient Thai homes. Most of the homes have a mini temple in the front with some idols to ward off evil.  I was reminded of the protective Gods in villages in South India.  The homes were on stunts, with no walls inside, and wooden floor.  The people are hard working and don’t waste anything, at least with coconut plants! 

Protective Gods in front of homes

On a good day with less traffic, you can be back in Bangkok by lunch time (though you will not want a lunch if you had your fill in the floating market). 

The rest of the day can be spent in another Thai massage.  If you have time and are up to it, you can consider going to the Siam Niramit show depicting the history of Thai people.  It is apparently a huge theatrical show with animals coming on stage and listed in Guinness book of records. Another option is to do a 3-4 hour Thai cooking class, which are numerous in Bangkok.  You can book online.

Day 3: Retail therapy

I began my last day at Bangkok with an early morning visit to the largest outdoor park in Bangkok – Lumphini park.  It was sad though that at any location within the park, one could still see / hear the traffic, but the park itself is an oasis of green.  At 7 in the morning, it was full of joggers, Tai Chi / Yoga / martial arts practitioners and a snack counter every few metres (Thais love eating out). It is a great escape within the city!

Lumphini park

I spent the rest of the day exploring a shopping district with some attractions close by.  You need at least a day, if not more to explore the markets of Bangkok.  Shopping destinations abound and each caters to a unique need.  Consider the week-end only Chatuchak market if you have the patience to sift through some 30 blocks of shops scattered over some 7000 acres and if you can retain your sanity after all the bargaining. If you don’t qualify for this experience like me, consider a trip to a shopping district.  I was recommended Siam Square by a friend and I just loved it.  Pick up Lonely Planet and follow the walking trip suggested there in, covering the area around Siam square including malls and attractions like Erawan temple, Thai Government Handicrafts emporium, etc. Practically all tips about how to shop in each of the shopping destinations in Bangkok are there in the internet and it helps to know these before visiting.  This includes rules on bargaining.  For instance, I learnt that the most famous MBK mall in Siam  square, with a lovely local food court, free luggage deposit counter and 6 floors of shopping, has more fake goods (not necessarily bad though) than original brands and requires a keen eye and bargaining skills.  Whereas Siam Paragon next door is a place for all the international brands, and the place to go if you know what you want and are ready to pay the premium for it.  And if you want genuine Thai handicrafts, all in one place, do visit Narai Phand, the Government run emporium situated in this area. Good collection, service and excellent packing, though at a small premium compared to local shops. That is, if, you still want to pick up some handicrafts after visiting the floating market shops.  

My day was spent in walking from MBK mall through Erawan shrine to Narai Phand and return covering Central Plaza mall, Siam discovery, and Siam Paragon. They are all connected well through sky walks.  Erawan shrine is a unique temple for Brahma and you will see graceful Thai dancers behind devotees offering their thanks to the God.

Dancers with devotees in Erawan shrine

It makes sense to do some home work and have a check list of things to buy when you are shopping; otherwise you will get drowned literally.  Even if you are not looking to shop, it is good time pass to window shop and eat snacks on the way.

Though the area is littered with eateries, I would recommend the 6^th Floor Food court at MBK mall which has a good spattering of all cuisines, at reasonable rates.  Desserts are mouth watering.

There are many more options for shopping like Terminal 21 mall around the city and find out one that suits your needs.

Eating out in Bangkok:

While Bangkok or Thailand is a heaven for non vegetarians, I would rank it very high for vegetarian food too. I loved the fact that the vegetarian fare was relatively cheap, and extremely healthy with lots of fresh vegetables, herbs and fruits. Some must try dishes are Mango with sticky rice, Papaya salad, Pancakes with different fillings, Dim sums, Phad Thai, Glass noodles in vegetable broth to name a few. Desserts with coconut can be overwhelming and overpowering though. If you love Thai Basil, you will freak out here as the basil is so fresh and flavourful. Dare to try out new dishes and eat-outs with a streak of adventure.  My best experience includes a Korean meal with yummy garlic fried rice with a free helping of Khimchee (salad with freshest vegetables and dressings); and a local Falooda with all kinds of fruits and jellies and thin coconut milk.  Fruits in Bangkok are a sight and must try – though some of them may put you off (like Durian which is banned in hotels!). Road side food stalls are very common though these serve mostly non vegetarian fare. 

I could get delicious filling meal with a drink or dessert for as low as 150 THB (One THB / Thai Baht is about Rs 1.92).

Thai Basil rice

Papaya salad

Sticky rice with mango

Falooda

Commuting in Bangkok:

Bangkok has BTS, MRT, bus and ferry services, apart from taxis and Tuk-tuks (equivalent of our autos, but larger open version).  Choose your option based on your destination and budget – route maps are available on the internet.  Uber also runs taxi services in Bangkok.  If you are boarding a local taxi, tell the driver ‘Meter fare’ and get in only if he agrees.  Tuk-tuks rides can be adventurous but I did not attempt to ride one, other than a free ride offered by my hotel to the nearly Asiatique market.  Roads are congested with heavy traffic and ferry or BTS is a better option.

My observations as a woman in Bangkok:

Though my stay was limited and did not involve much interaction with locals, I could perceive that the Thai society respects women.  Be it in the liberal dressing or the way women were handling businesses and their casual commutes / shopping jaunts late in evening, all of it indicated security for women.  The Calypso cabaret featuring all transvestites also has something to say about the free society. I felt very secure and safe during my entire trip.

However as Asians go, there may be some uncomfortable situations when the locals (touts) start nagging you for something.  Be firm but polite while handling them.  I discovered that if you raise your voice, they would too but if you are firm and polite, they give up.

  

Help kids listen to their hearts!

This article takes off from my previous article here:

http://alwaysonthegreenerside.blogspot.in/2015/06/is-there-place-in-our-society-for-80.html

This year, many of my friends’ and relatives’ children took the 12^th Board exams in different streams and the anxiety, excitement, disappointment was palpable when results were announced.  The media did its job, stressing on how the pass percentage has gone up (marginally) and how the top score is breaching the 100%.  Before discussing the effects of placing excessive weightage on marks, let me make this submission: Whatever is given below as a criticism of the system does not in any way take away the credit due to the children who scored good percentages or their parents who undoubtedly played a big role in their efforts.  You absolutely deserve the accolades, the twitter trolls not withstanding!

According to a research paper (on CBSE assessment) by a National Council of Education Research and Training (NCERT) official “Assessment focuses only on cognitive learning outcomes and in the process, co-curricular domains are neglected, even though co-curricular areas are an equally important and significant part of child development. Even in curricular areas, the focus is on rote learning and memorisation, characterised by a neglect of higher mental abilities such as critical thinking, problem solving and creative ability.”

This is doubly damaging. 

Our educational system seems to have taken a ‘Maximising’ approach in content and depth of syllabus, with disregard for life skills.    True, there may be kids who are able to balance both – academics and co-curricular; but my suspicion is that for every such kid, there are scores of other kids who are forced to choose one for the other.  Not with standing peer pressure, parents’ pressure and their own judgement on what will give them a good career (versus life?).  While we may argue that the examination phase is temporary for just a few years, I beg otherwise.  This system of focusing only on syllabus changes the mind set of kids,  particularly at that age when they should be exploring and not choosing a career based on their marks alone.  No doubt we will get our doctors and engineers and professionals, but is their heart in it? Would you go to a doctor who is passionate about what she is doing versus one who scored gold medal and is in it for the profession for the name, fame and money?  

Let us help our kids listen to their hearts, along with their brains!  Even if the system does not do it.  

The ‘Changed’ Code of Conduct!

When we travel, there is usually an unwritten code of conduct which I try to enforce with the kids. But of late, I am seeing a new set of code of conduct, and there seems to be a complete role reversal in enforcing this! The kids, with the wisdom of You tube channels and more travels in their decade of existence compared to my entire life time obviously think they have to take care of poor Amma.  But I hold adamantly to my stand asserting my rights.  Sample this role reversal and my (mental) responses:

Dont pack food or snacks for flight – you have to manage with what they give (what?!)

Dont take frequent loo breaks in the flight – it is embarrassing (Oh my gosh)

Dont be goofing around with all the babies we come across  (Hmm ... I miss the times when you both were like that)

Dont carry any book that is going to make you giggle while reading in flight (I generally tend to carry only such books on long flights to overcome my discomfort!)

Can you not squat in flights and trains and restaurants? (Impossible for me)

Dont ask too many questions to the guide in the tour (I find this the most difficult to comply)

Do we all need to be in the picture that we take?  It is not done to ask some random person to take a photo of us – better buy a selfie stick (I always thought requesting somebody to take a picture is the opening line for some interesting cultural exchange conversation while travelling)

Any sight that requires us to stand in a queue is not worth our attention (my ‘dropped’ list is longer than ‘To see’ list; and the husband smugly says, All the more reasons to come back!)

Try not to break anything in the restaurant (I did! why do they have to cramp in so much cutlery on that tiny table?)

And the list goes on! It is so unnerving to see them actually watching over me to check if I am following the rules:  as though I was going to sneeze in Sistine Chapel at the Vatican!    

Of course, I rebelled most of the times, except Sistine Chapel!  But I got pulled up there too, for apparently I was gaping at the ceiling! 

The comforting world of white and black

Recently my daughter came down with throat infection.  The doctor diagnosed it as Allergic Bronchitis (a term my daughter had not heard before) and termed it bad! As we walked out of the clinic, my daughter asked in all seriousness ‘’Am I going to die?’’.  I was taken aback but gained my wits and replied ‘Very unlikely!’’.  She immediately relaxed and said that then it is fine, it is just that she has to take medicines and recover. It struck me that in her mind, there were just the two extreme possibilities of being well and being unwell to the point of dying!  It sounds bizarre but this made me realize how children take comfort in the world of black and white, a world where there is no grey or uncertainty. 

But as we grow, the world transforms into a kaleidoscope of greys with tiny patches of white and black at the edges.  As much as the visual of that world is shifting and unsettling, the implications reflect this chaos.  It simply complicates our lives and relationships, but we deal with it as necessary evil. Sadly the society most often tends to write down adults who carry this White and Black view of the world as Simpletons or naive!   

Which is why, it is comforting to listen to a child’s logic (with no greys) when stuck with some issue.  It immediately puts things in a perspective.  Like taking comfort in the fact that a throat infection will not kill me and thus help in tiding through it! 

Why we work?

Read my article on ''Why we work?'' published in Linked in here

My version of THE MOM SONG

Most of you would have seen ‘’The Mom” song that became a huge hit in You tube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM

If I were to attempt something similar, I would write and sing about what Mom has to endure from the kids.  Let us see how it goes: (try to sing it the way the Mom song goes)

Where’s my toothbrush?

Why didn’t you buy the colour that I wanted?

Oh Yeah, Good morning.

I hate this toothpaste

Why don’t we ever try a new one?

The geyser is not working

I am freezing here.

I don’’t want this breakfast

I don’’t know what I want

I thought you should know that.

We are not in Antarctica

I am not wearing that jacket.

We are back from school

W­­hy aren’t you home yet?

Oh, you got ice cream

But this is not the flavour we want.

I have not done the homework

Because I thought you will want to help me.

No, I have not practised for music class

Can you please send a note?

No I dont want Appa to do that.

Is the table laid for dinner?

You only make what ‘She’’ likes (sibling).

Oh, I forgot to tell you

You NEED to come to school on Tuesday.

No, I dont want you to reschedule this

 Tell your office client to come another day.

Oh, I am so tired

Wish Appa was here to chill out.

Relax Ma, it will all be fine

See, we love you!

Now, contrast this with the song when only father is around (I experimented and have first hand testimonial on this)

Good morning Appa

How is it going?

Dont fret , we will manage.

Let us know if we need to fix your breakfast.

While we are doing that, you could order the book that we wanted

And download the music that we chose because you are going to love it.

We are back from school, but take your time and come back;

May be with an ice-cream pack.

We are done with the home work, well most of it

The tough ones can wait till Amma is back.

We will lay the table, you chill.

Good night Appa

Oh but, we are missing Amma!

And Finally when mother is back:

Oh, we love you

Missed you

Appa is ok

We managed (him)

Now that you are here :

Where’s my toothbrush (go back to the original lyrics!)

With one last line added,

What made you write this,

Did you check with us?

Well, Life of a mother! Never boring, to say the least!