Why I’d rather be a reader than a writer!

It all started with The Hindu Open Page publishing an article of mine article of mine ; I even got paid for it.  Till then, I was happy parking my writing in my blog or eloquently delivering my thoughts to sympathetic friends.  But things changed once I saw the article published; people unknown to me read and commented on it.    Suddenly I had acquired the status of a writer, a freelance writer actually! Now all I had to do was dish off article after article (after all I was brimming with ideas) and my articles were going to be in papers, magazines and online sites.  I would picture myself gracefully acknowledging Hindu’s role in my new alternate career.  I graciously decided to share my income with charity since I was not writing for money. 

And I was not going to just sit and dream.  A good friend introduced me to an online group of writers.  Weren’t they privileged to have me in their group?  Words like pitch, on spec, by-line became part of my vocabulary while kill fee, slush pile were something that others had to worry about.  I ripped all the ideas I had for my blog and created pitches based on them.  I resisted from making more than a few pitches as I was not going to have time to write the pieces once they have been accepted, given my regular day job, and other commitments at home. I prepared to take the probing questions from my readers.  I even came up with this brilliant idea of writing about my work and getting it published.

What happened then was I stopped reading! All my life, I have been a voracious reader (courtesy Eloor library for the fantastic journey through the world of books).  Now Whenever I saw an interesting article or feature, I would first look at the author detail before even attempting to read it. I would then start thinking about how he/she got the idea, what pitch she would have made, how long it took to write it and finally asking myself why I cannot pick up such ideas.  I would browse the features pages, all the while digesting what people were writing about and relating them to some ideas I had. This meant that my news paper and magazine reading was reduced to a quick browsing and then furiously thinking or writing another pitch.  I stopped reading books as that was taking a lot of my time, which I could better spend on pitching. I also neglected my blog terribly letting down the five people who were following me.

Then it became worse.  I did not want to read those papers and magazines which were not considering my pitches.  You don’t patronize me, and I won’t – fair deal! It bothered me a bit that this was not fair to the authors so I made exceptions for those authors whom I knew. Others can wait, in the larger interest of providing moral support to a fellow author.

Well, you got it – all this meant that I could not read anything (nor write)! It then dawned on me that I had to make a choice – to read or write (well, not just for the blog!).  I know there are people who do both or claimed to do both, but there were from another planet.  It was not working for me.  It also looked like the Universe wanted me to read rather than write, as my inbox of rejected or unacknowledged pitches showed.  Who am I to turn away from the wish of the Universe – I bowed and have got back to reading.  Till I reach that moment in the future which has me as the writer!

Here is who I want myself and my daughters to become

It takes almost a generation of living for somebody to be accorded the status of a role model, except probably in sports. And when such role models pass away, one suddenly feels rudderless at the individual level and at the societal level. Though I have never met the subject, and know about her only through her work, the passing away of Former Chief Justice, Author, Gender expert Leila Seth affected me badly (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leila_Seth)

Her book ‘On Balance’ is the first ever autobiography I read of a woman and admittedly, the most riveting one. I could relate to her as a mother and a professional, though her accomplishments in that generation is of an entirely different scale.  What stayed with me was her elegant poise not just in writing but the way she was living her life, on balance, as her autobiography is perfectly called. It has been more than a decade since she wrote the book and she has only accumulated more laurels since then.  Whether it is raising her voice against criminalization of homosexuality, writing a book on Constitution of India for children, giving path breaking and bold recommendations as a member of Justice JS Verma committee, she raised the bar on herself and the society too! She kept to her stand irrespective of the outcomes.  She stuck to the truth and her moral compass. She was the green reed which did not break or bend but gently danced to the music of life.  

Our country needs many more role models like her, from people like you and me!